editz cause i'm a playa
wow, breakfast dates dinner date in the making so thrilled
our conversations keep getting longerrrr and longerrrrrr
this is going to be very unorganized because my thoughts are not feeling structured right now :) OH it has been so long.
i don't know why, but i've just had the sudden urge to update this thing. probably because i have so many new things that have happened since june 26th :) wow, a lot of things now that i think about it. this summer was probably the best i've had. ever.
So now, school. SES is quite brilliant, and i love love love it. it's so unstructured that it drives me nuts sometimes, and today was the first day that i've wanted to go home really really badly.
but the only reason i wanted to go home was because i was having a very un-lumpkin and un-love day. but now my daddy and danna are here, and i'm very happy to see them.
and a text from lumpkin made it all better. i really need to work on my needing affirmation of love and everything. sometimes it seems like i need an affirmation for everything, if that makes sense. it makes sense in my brain. i need to work on my confidence, i think.
actually, i know i need to.
because, as i was telling marie, my happiness for a day shouldn't depend on a boy and his being at school or looking at me or whatever.
i am so boy crazy.
seriously, right now, my brain is separated into these sections. boys.
friends.
school.
boys at school.
food
new jeans.
it is a problem. but not really. :)
i'm just a teenage girl, this is how i'm supposed to be. anyyyyyways, SES. it's sweet. mr. haisting and marie and i have formed a bond of amazingness, my desk is WONDERFUL, my fish is gorgeous but boring, and there are lots of cool people. i do love meeting new people. essspecially if they're already friends with my friends so i have easy access.
SPEAKING OF EASY ACCESS, MY JEANS HAD THE HUUUUGEST CROTCH HOLE TODAY, OH MY GOD.
i was doing high kicks in inga's living room. rrriiiiiiiipppppp. those jeans are dead and in my trash can. they lived a good life. they covered my butt well. one time my mom said they made me look sexy. i am sad to see them go.
let's have a moment of silence. let's have a lumpkin section, shall we? yessss.
lumpkin, lumpkin. i really need to start calling you by your real name. too bad i'm afraid to use it in this post.
you are so cute.
but you are such a player.
your jacket smells wonderful and i adore staring at you.
i really should stop.
you should probably get less cuter so it won't be so hard to stop staring at you--because right now? whoa.
i almost wish that you hadn't talked to me, though, because now i'm afraid that you won't like me :) oh, that's sad. i shouldn't be afraid of someone not liking who i am. because i am who i am, right? and if he doesn't like me for who i am, why do i want him anyway?
yes. go diana. my mind is so divided into two, i have arguments with myself. woooowwww. oh my god, this is so EXHILIRATING. i've been saying all of these things in my head and now i can finally put them into actual words. it feels good. it feels so good because i know i am merely doing this for my own health and benefit and i doubt anyone will really read this. they'll see how long it is and go:
what?
hell no. :) okay, continuing. i'm so mad at myself for being all mopey and ridiculous because he wasn't here today, and that is completely ludicrious. i mean, seriously. i need to get a grip on myself. i am here to learn, not to stare at boys. that was a perfect example of an argument i have with myself. sure, i can say that, but do i mean it? only half. the other half says, "well, school is part social. it's totally okay to stare at him." i am rambling about lumpkin. let's conclude.
i know i won't have a major crush on you forever
and i'll see you the whole year
but today kind of sucked
and i really liked it when you texted me today.
and you are cute. that was so not a conclusion. that feels even more open-ended. OH WELL. friends. friends.
i love my friends. i was mad at them for quite some time for acting so stupid about certain things, though. i've exhausted this subject so much, though, wow.
i just hate the fact that my friends feel like they need to do stupid things to have fun.
because we can totally have fun without being irresponsible and such, you know? that's not my friends. my friends are the good kids.
being rowdy is good, naked truth or dare is good, girls making out for dares is good, i don't care. i just hate the idea of anything else.
but they are not me, of course, and they'll do whatever they want. i just hope they will stop, which i think they will because i think they can see that it tears us apart when they do that crap. i'm done. and i totally didn't even think about typing all of that, i thought i had gotten it out of my system.
hm. whatevz. aslkasffkj;skfssf blllllluuududududud.
boys boys boys. friends friends friends. magnus magnus. homework homework sleep sleep marching band. i wish i had time to read. i haven't read a book since this summer, and it is sad.
i love reading and i miss it a lot lot lot.
lumpkin made fun of my book. whatabitch
:) mr haisting? whatabitch.
mrs WACKMAN? what. a. bitch. euh. i don't hate her, i just think she is unpleasant at times and can be very mean to her coworkers. i need to fit into my homecoming dress. :) it's so hot, i can't wait. it better fit in a week. i'm eating cheerios.
hmhmhmhmhm. jesus, this is long.
i'm very happy at school. i should do some homework and then finish my conversation with lumps. i hope that'll go well. can't be too clingy.
my mantra. can't be too clingy.
i don't want to be a crazy baglady who follows him around and watches his every move and knows his license plate number.
oh wait.
i am that lady.
what a bitch.
hee hee hee.
okay, so. closing? yes, lets. i want to make a list soon, a list of all of the things i have to do and want to do.
i feel very content with this update. it was about time!
ps.
still need to file my teeth :)
pps.
retainers aren't that bad.
i'm happy.
this is good.
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